2015 – The Top Posts

I’ve always loved year-end countdowns. When I was growing up, I used to have the radio – that old contraption that made you wait for your favourite song – on every New Year’s Eve (or New Year’s Day for reruns) and listen to the top songs of the year. Sometimes it was great to think about the music that maybe was really popular at the beginning of the year, but forgotten in the ever-present push for new popular songs.

 

In the spirit of such countdowns, and with many new readers to my blog this year, here are the top five posts of 2015 on Life Unscripted:

 

#5: “You’ll burn the House down!”

This one surprised me, especially given my recent injury involving a knife and green peppers and a trip to the emergency room. I still have all ten fingers, my hair is still long, and my house is still standing… so I guess this blind chick is still allowed in the kitchen 🙂

 

#4: I will never Ask to Hold your Baby

By far one of the most emotional blog posts I have ever written. Judging by the comments I have received, I am by no means alone in my hesitance, and yet if I don’t ask I don’t receive…

 

#3: All blind People should Have a Guide Dog

I have no shame in acknowledging that my tongue-in-cheek approach was purposeful… but even I had no idea the reach of this post. I actually expected this post or this one to do just as well… proves what I know!

 

#2: I’m a bad ____, but It’s Not because I’m Blind

Of all the blog posts I’ve written this year, the success of this one has surprised me the most. I am not sure why, but it just did.

 

/1: “So, Like, he takes care of you!” or…?

A blog post about relationships seems to always get people talking. Disability and romance is definitely a touchy subject. Whether one or both parties have disabilities, there is a certain otherness that characterizes such relationships. How I wish this wasn’t so…

 

Here are a few honorable mentions – popular posts that didn’t quite make the top five, or a few personal favorites of mine:

 

• Advocacy is a touchy subject, but it is so important.
• Another relationship post nearly made the cut.
• Who knew that such a little hashtag could nearly blow up twitter?
• Maybe I should have left this topic alone?
• I loved getting to know these lovely ladies a bit better this year.
• Not long ago I had a discussion regarding independence; it brought this post to mind.
• In honour of New Year’s Eve, I will probably be asking more for the drink, not the tool from my human friends…
• Just for giggles… in the deep of winter, it’s just plain fun to think about camping!

 

None of these posts would be possible without you, my readers. Those I know in person and online, who comment through the blog, facebook, twitter, and email, who give me great ideas for posts… I thank you all! All the best in 2016!

2015 – A Year in Review

I seem to recall a comment I make regularly: a new year does not in and of itself make any changes to one’s life, and waiting to make those changes in the new year sets one up for failure. Officially, I’m eating those words, because I cannot wait for 2015 to be over and for 2016 to begin.

 

This time last year, Ben and I were celebrating New Year’s eve in New York. A wonderful trip that was… and gave us memories that I firmly believe helped carry us through 2015. I feel no shame whatsoever in acknowledging that 2015 has been the hardest year of my life.From losing my job to finding another (and subsequently being laid off from it, from leaving provincial sport to starting up a jewelry design business, I am so very tired. And it isn’t just me. Ben has changed jobs and gone into a completely different field, which provides a whole new set of challenges and opportunities to learn.

 

All of these changes can cause one to dig deeply into oneself and find strength they never knew they had. I have found this true for me. This year has left me bruised due to circumstance, and every bruise leaves a scar. But they won’t hurt forever, and I can already feel myself coming out stronger. One week after cleaning out my desk, I now feel ready to take on 2016, with new prospects for employment, opportunities for jewelry design, the renewal and maintaining of friendships, and all the new things I don’t quite know are waiting for me. Whatever it brings… I’m ready for it, because it’s going to rock!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Tags

celebration, food, Holidays, Senses

Today is December 24. From what I’ve experienced myself, and what I’ve seen on social media and heard around town, it really hasn’t felt like Christmas this year. Maybe it’s the weather – we didn’t get any real snow until a couple of weeks ago – or just the general feeling of the year, but I am definitely not alone in feeling a bit disoriented that tomorrow is December 25.

However you choose to celebrate the holidays – in churches or synagogues, with family and friends, with gifts or parties, or just wanting to avoid them altogether – there is no denying that there are certain seasonal treats to enjoy. From lights in store windows to carols on the radio to all of the food that’s consumed… it all got me to thinking that the holidays are truly a multi-sensory experience for everyone. Bells can be heard everywhere, the scents of great food and hot wintry drinks fill the air, trees big and small are decorated simply or elaborately… and you don’t have to be blind to feel, shake, or otherwise try and guess at what those presents are.

But I also got to thinking… isn’t a blind person’s life always lived this way? Sure, there aren’t bells ringing in May, and no one’s drinking hot apple cider in July (in this part of the world, anyway). But the holiday season (for some reason) seems to be the only time of the year when no one comments how sorry they are because I can’t see. Ask the same person in July, and they’ll tell you that they feel bad that my life is so colourless. But is that really true?

Those of us who can see some light can use the sight we have to navigate (to whatever degree we can), and definitely use our other senses to explore the world around us. I’ve advised people before in a previous blog post to walk into a bead shop and hold the strands of beads in their hands. How about going to a hockey game and taking note of the scent of the ice? And everyone enjoys good food and good music…

Christmas (if you’re politically incorrect; the holidays if you’re not) is a wonderful time of the year, whether you celebrate it for religious, familial or personal reasons. Even those of my friends who don’t celebrate really enjoy the food and drink you can only seem to get this time of the year. So while you’re sitting down to your holiday dinner, all of those senses that seem to be brought to the forefront this time of year… we use them every day, and perhaps after all there is something magical about that…

“So… what does that do?” – On Assistive Technology

Tags

Accommodations, assistance, dignity, respect, technology

For some reason I still don’t understand, a previous blog post generated a really lively discussion at a school for the blind far far away. I appreciate that this blog has readers from many backgrounds, ages and countries, and love that my opinions can open the door to some great conversations. One of the topics of discussion was regarding assistive technology (those braille/talking/large-print things that make many blind peoples’ lives so much easier). Stemming from that, when is it appropriate to be “treated like everyone else” and there by not receive any accommodations), and be protected and coddled so much that we aren’t required to advocate for ourselves at all?

 

Reading about this discussion, I took a trip down memory lane. As with all technology over the past 15-20 years, assistive technology ( braille displays, screen reading software, scanning applications) has grown in leaps and bounds. When I was in school, I used a Perkins brailler (think like a 25-pound braillle typewriter, which was as heavy and noisy as you’d think), a slate and stylus for on-the-fly braille writing, and a specialized notetaker (like a bad version of today’s tablets without a screen) called a Braille ‘n Speak to type out assignments. Computers took up lots of space and had to be pre-loaded with specialized text-to-speech software to run on the limited accessible programs available (my first laptop ran only Word Perfect and a braille transcription software so I could print out assignments). A transcriber had her own office and brailled my worksheets, tests, and books unavailable through provincial/federal resource centers – by hand in the early days, by scanning into a computer and printing them out on a big noisy braille printer when the technology was more readily available. Any assignments I did using braille, she had to write above the braille so my teachers could read them. Needless to say, while my work got done, I was far from being treated “like everyone else”; it took a small army and my own special room to get through elementary and high school. Now that I write this out, I owe a HUGE debt of gratitude for those who tirelessly did this work, so THANK YOU!

 

Over the years, technology has evolved. While specialized equipment such as braille displays, screen reading software, and braille printers are still on the market, many aspects of technology have been made more readily available to the general public. Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software is available inexpensively or free of charge, so scanning documents to read them can be done by almost anyone, sighted or blind. Some screen reading software (which reads the content on a screen in a synthesized voice) is available pre-installed on computers, smartphones and tablets; other options are available for purchase or free of charge, which leaves the market wide open to choose which software works best for a particular individual. High schools and colleges have teachers and professors emailing their assignments to students, and students being able to email them back; if a blind person needs to print out hard copy, printers are readily available at the local Staples for less than the cost of a microwave.

 

We are at a time when technology has opened up many possibilities, and yet it has closed doors in other ways. Even as I have been writing this post, I’ve seen tweets describing an experience buying groceries and having to ask for assistance because the debit pin pad is a touch screen with no spoken menus and no tactile buttons, or a customer wishing to contact a company but being unable to because of those distorted images on the screen that a screen reader cannot read. When is what we are asking for too much? When does requesting accommodations make us “more valued” than anyone else? For me, personally, it comes down to dignity and respect. I want to be able to go about my day as a consumer, an employee, a student, a patron just like everyone else. Yes, I use specific technology to make that happen, but it has come through figuring out what works for me, and has put me on more of an even footing than I have ever been. Technology can be the great equalizer, providing access to information, employment possibilities, education and commerce; making that equalization possible should be the responsibility of all of us – individuals, institutions, businesses and governments. If I ask for accommodations, it is something that will benefit not only me, but other customers in that store, other students at that school (either currently or in future), other employees in that office. Perhaps it looks like purchasing that screen reading software will benefit only that one student in the classroom, but in effect, it benefits everyone by giving that student an opportunity to learn and engage and educate the others.

 

So, while technology grows at a rapid rate, ask the questions, request what you need. If it can improve your access to information, employment, education or commerce, ask the tough questions. Ironically, what can be viewed as “special treatment” may be the only thing that will allow you to be treated equally. If we all stay silent and hope someone will come along and make our lives better, we’d wind up with such advanced technology as this… I think we’re a bit past that, no?

I will Never Ask to Hold your Baby

Tags

Awkwardness, babies, childcare, perceptions

***Blogger’s note: It was kindly pointed out to me that a previous edit of this post identified certain individuals and situations. This was not and never has been my intent, so I have removed any identifying information. Thank you for reading and commenting.

 

One day last week, all conversation stopped when an infant was brought into the room. Four women cooed, passed around and fussed over the baby. I was about to open my mouth and ask if I could hold her when I was asked, “Would you like to touch the baby while someone else holds her?” My heart sank. I wanted more than anything to ask if I could hold the baby, but words just wouldn’t come out. Even thinking about it now, nearly a week later, I regret not asking the question, even as I realize that a large piece of me feared that the answer would be no.

 

I have friends with children, some of whom I have known since they were infants and who are now approaching double digits in age. Looking back, I doubt I have ever initiated a baby-holding experience; I would be asked if I wanted to hold the baby or, in one memorable instance, had a baby unceremoniously plunked in my lap. I don’t have an exact reason why this is, but I know a piece of me feels like the world would end if I were to ask to hold a baby and was told no, that’s OK, or – perhaps even worse – miss the horrified or awkward or mistrustful glance that would accompany a hesitant, “OK.”

 

And yet, one day, I wish to be a mother. It’s been my dream for as long as I could remember. Several jobs ago, I thought I would stay at that job until I became pregnant and went on maternity leave, but life had other plans. Over the past few months, through all the changes that have gone on in my life, I have thought more about motherhood. What about being pregnant? Would I have to respond graciously to such insensitive questions like “Where’s the father in all this?” or “Are you allowed to have a baby?” or “Are you going to keep it?” And that’s BEFORE giving birth! My biggest fear is having social workers involved in my parenting because of a perception that a disabled parent can’t take care of an infant (think that won’t happen? Think again).

 

Even a basic call-out to blind friends has produced heartbreaking fear and misconception of childcare capabilities expressed by family members, friends of friends, and strangers. More than one blind father has had store employees thank their 4-year-old for “taking Daddy to the store”. One friend (the go-to “Cool” babysitter of the neighborhood) had one family refuse to have her look after their children unless a sighted (read: capable) person was with her. Another was told that his child was invited to a birthday party… only if a sighted parent brought them. And those were just the stories I heard in the span of about thirty minutes, with more comments of “Don’t get me started; I’m talked to like I can’t POSSIBLY take care of myself, much less a child.” My heart grieves for a world where this is so.

 

So for those who have children, I don’t wish to come across awkward and uncertain, but in fact I really am. My arms ache to hold that newborn, and I’d LOVE to get down on the floor and play dolls with your six-year-old. But I want to respect your autonomy as a parent to decide who watches, cuddles and holds your wonderful bundle of joy. but every piece of me is screaming that it’s something I would love. But I can not ask. I don’t think I could handle even a hesitant yes, and I know I couldn’t handle a no. So please, ask me, because right now I’m not strong enough to take those first toddling steps myself.